2022

♱ JANUARY

02|02|22

The lofty melancholy hovered in the air in that rainy friday afternoon. Once again I found myself betrothed on the icy accommodation of my bed; silent, omitted. I passed through vague thoughts, contenting myself with the surrealism of its meager content, escapism. Overwhelmed with emptiness, I finally stood up. The petrichor intensified, along with it the dizziness. With long, confused steps I made my way to the living room, snuggling into the slanted sofa. From there, I had a view of the big window, I got lost in my utopian thoughts again. Dreams of freedom, to breath; finally.

01|21|22

I have always despised this town, mostly because of the fatous brainless individuals that sadly inhabit the same place as me. By a non-direct way of ostracism, i´ve always been invisible for most but by a sadly series of unfortunate events i was caught upon a vicissitude, having those despisable beings aproaching me almost everyday; i blame it mostly on puberty & my looks, since i never tried one bit to make any sort of connection with anyone. This is oficially my last day of unbothered solitude and tranquility, since the school year starts in 6 days... i´ll just try by best to keep anyone away, but they seem to be drawn to me for some reason no matter how much i fucking try.

Sometimes i feel like i´m at war with myself; completely sick of all the nothingness that surround me. Use the persona to manipulate people just out of boredom and then, when you´re done, you´ll feel sufocated by the empitiness again. I could never be like you, or anyone else, even if i wanted to or tried hard enough.

linked to the endless black hole of the mind.

01|26|22

I can´t handle it anymore. I´m so empty...the only thing i feel is anger. I hate them, i hate them all. I despise every single fucking thing they do with all the freedom that they have, WHILE I HAVE NONE. There´s no escape, there´s no catharsis; i´m forever confined here. It feels suffocating to breath, to walk, to touch. I wish it was all over already, even though when it is, they´re all still going to wonder what made me get to this point; NOTHING. NOTHINGNESS made me get to this point.